25 Things

25 things you may or may have not known about America/Americas that you’re probably not going to care about;

1.  Americans are friend hungry.
2. Everyone breaks up with Republicans because Republicans hate everything fun.
3. I’ve been told to never ever go to the South because it’s the elephant graveyard of America (with the exception of Austin and New Orleans of course).
4.  If you fall asleep on the Subway in NYC, the worse thing that will happen to you is that will make a new Facebook friend. 
5. Pennsylvania’s state animal is the MILF.
6. R Kelly’s remix to Ignition is still big in the West. I approve.
7. Cheese Wiz is evil. Don’t ever eat it. Don’t even look at it with a sideward glance. I’m pretty sure it helped OJ hide his other glove.
8. Eating a Philly Cheese Stake will shave off 10 years from your life expectancy but it's 10 years well spent.
9.  How they measure things is stupid. 
10. If you have an Australian accent, you’re going to have a good time.
11.  Everyone in Philadelphia that drinks on a Thursday night has some kind of crippling personal problem they’re all far too eager to talk about. When someone appears normal… she’s probably not. 
12. She probably owns a lot of cats and you have to make excuses to leave her party super early.
13.  They have drive thru banks here. Like. You can do your banking without getting out of the car.
14. The country is based on the solid theory that if it exists, it can be deep fried.
15.  There’s a massive rivalry between The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Every time there are 20+ Red Sox fans in a pub or train or park they will start a ‘fuck the Yankees’ chant.
    Because they are envious.
16.  Americans like chanting.
17. If I ate fast food everyday, for every meal, for a month, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even smash out half of the fast food chains.
18. Vegas will destroy you.
19. Don’t try to explain who Blinky Bill is. You will just sound retarded.
20. The Liberty Bell is not a monument that wants to be licked, trust me, but it is one I will conquer.
21. Denver has snow-topped mountains.
22.  I’ve been asked if ‘I’m a friend of Ellen’s’ at least twice. I enjoyed it.
23. Someone asked me if we have internet. Like legit asked me if Australia has the internet. I politely asked them if it was a series of cans tied together, connected with fishing wire.
24. If you want anything here to sell well, call it ‘Freedom (insert name of product)’ or ‘Liberty (whatever)’.
25. People from New York are better than you.

This list happened because I’m currently stuck at the airport for a five-hour lay over in Denver and I’m bored.